Pokémon SATAN's Adventure
by DRAGON9001
Summary: A new Pokémon trainer takes some Poké Balls from an old man and goes on an adventure.
1. Chapter 1 Starting Out

SATAN went to Professor Oak's to get a new Pokémon because he's ten now, but he didn't know Professor Oak was a kiddy fiddler. Professor Oak called him into his "Pokémon lab" and told him he could have one of his balls.

"I've got three balls here kid. That's because I'm from Norfolk."

"So I can have all of these, right?" said SATAN.

"No, just one - I need one for my grandson Asshat." said Oak.

"Screw Asshat, I want them all!" said SATAN, as he pulled an assault rifle out of his arse and sprayed the living crap out of Oak, taking his balls in the process.

SATAN was then outside of the lab because the plot demands it, and he opened the balls to see what was inside them.

The first one was Bulbasaur, so SATAN sent it out, and used his laser (equipped with the power of a thousand engines) to kill that son of a bitch, because let's face it, no fucker wants a Bulbasaur.

The next one was Squirtle, which SATAN kept because he could curry it.

The other ball had Charmander in it.

"Finally something worthwhile." said SATAN. "This thing has fire on it!".

SATAN walked up to some kid and called out Charmander. "Fight me now or I'll blast your family into oblivion!".

The kid sent out a weakling bug thing called Caterpie. Charmander used Flamethrower which killed that thing in a second. As the kid was picking bits of dead Caterpie off of his shorts, SATAN used his SUPER RAY BEAM to put the kid to sleep. SATAN took the kid's backpack and then smashed the fuck out of the kid's brains with a bowling ball to finish him off.


	2. Chapter 2 Digging

SATAN found himself in the possession of a stocked backpack, so he decided to have a look at what was in there.

There was the kid's wallet, some dirty magazines (which SATAN read through for the articles), a Poké Ball and a bottle of vodka. SATAN opened the Poké Ball and found that it had a Houndoom in it.

"FUCK TO THE YEAH" shouted SATAN.

SATAN went to Viridian City and went to the gym. There was no-one in, so he got Charmander and Houndoom to burn that dump to the ground.

Then he met Asshat who wanted a fight. Asshat sent out a Skitty, because he isn't much of a man. SATAN sent out Houndoom. Skitty used Attract, which proved to be one hell of a disturbing Rule 34 moment, so SATAN pulled a Heracross out of his arse to fight. Heracross used Headbutt and killed Skitty.

"Screw you!" shouted Asshat, as he ran off crying like a tart.

Then there was an earthquake and everyone but SATAN died.

"FREE SHIT!" shouted SATAN, as he went looting through people's houses. He found a TV, and a giant-arse JCB that was lying in some guy's garden. He used this JCB to crush his way through the Viridian Forest.

After killing twelve Bug Catchers with the JCB he came out at the other end, where he decided to fight some guy who loves breeding


	3. Chapter 3 The Breeder

SATAN went to the Pokémon Center for two reasons - mainly because he liked the chips, but also because his Pokémon were nearly dead. He went to see the nurse who took his balls and shoved them in some machine thing. It flashed a few times, and then the sadistic bitch said "I hope to see you again!".

Before he went to Pewter Gym, SATAN jumped on a super space hopper and went to see his uncle on the moon. His uncle was a creepy guy who had Pokémon.

"Fight me you old git!" shouted SATAN, as he sent out Charmander.

"Why not!" shouted Uncle Fukwad, as he sent out a Jigglypuff. SATAN wondered if his uncle was gay.

"Charmander, scratch the shit out of that thing's eyes!". Charmander scratched the shit out of that thing's eyes.

Jigglypuff picked up a chainsaw and started chasing the hell out of Charmander. Charmander saw the rage in its eyes and thought "fuck this", so he evolved into Charmeleon, pulled a piano out of his arse and threw it on Jigglypuff's head. Jigglypuff died.

SATAN killed the fuck out of Uncle Fukwad and stole all of his money, then jumped back down to Pewter City.

SATAN was then really pissed off because he realised Asshat had stolen his car, so he went on a generic filler-tastic sidequest to get it back. He called out Houndoom and sat on his back, and they ran off to that place near the Pokémon league in chase of Asshat. They got him corned.

"So, you may have killed my Skitty, but I have a new Pokémon!", shouted Asshat. Asshat sent out Sunflora.

Houndoom used Flamethrower and burnt that weed to the ground


	4. Chapter 4 Badge Off

After the previous events, SATAN finally went to the Pewter Gym. There he met some weird looking guy who loved breeding.

"I challenge you!" shouted SATAN, as he ran towards Brock.

"I accept your challenge!" said Brock, as he sent out Geodude. SATAN sent out Charmeleon.

Charmeleon started the fight with Flamethrower, which did sod all. Geodude used Defense Curl like a sissy.

"Charmeleon, scratch the bastard!", shouted SATAN, whilst waving his fists in the air. Charmeleon used Scratch, which didn't do much. "You need to learn some better moves!" shouted SATAN, as he shoved a CD up Charmeleon's arse. Charmeleon learnt Dragon Claw, which it used to break Geodude in half.

"I got that floating rock for my birthday, you twat!" shouted Brock. "I only have one Pokémon left".

Brock sent out Onix. Brock had an Onix to compensate for his tiny dick. Onix used Tackle, but Charmeleon jumped out of the way. Onix looked like a right douche when he smashed his face on the floor.

Charmeleon used Dragon Claw and knocked the hell out of that Onix, meaning SATAN won the fight.

"Gimme a badge, motherfucker!" shouted SATAN, as he stole Brock's badge. Brock didn't really care, because the nurse from the Pokémon Center was outside, so he whipped out his pingas and got to business.

SATAN thought to himself that as it's a gym, they should have a fuckload of awesome shit laying around to take, but all he could find was a Rock Slide TM , so he took that and shoved it up Charmeleon's arse.

SATAN was now outside, and he saw the Pokémon Museum. He thought there would be even more shit he could steal, so he went inside, but the guy at reception had the nerve to ask him for money. Because of this, SATAN smashed the guy's head open with an axe and went in anyway


End file.
